Bittersweet Symphony
by DitzyMariposa
Summary: A journey through Bella's life. Through the ups and downs. The happiness and the heartache. Choosing and having choices taken away. A BxL friendship. Some language.


**A/N: Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer. **

_Some choices we live not only once but a thousand times over, remembering them for the rest of our lives._

_Richard Bach_

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><p>There are moments in everyone's lives that they will always remember. Whether you recall the event in graphic detail or you can only grasp at the emotions or smells, it's something that stays with you. It's something that will make it into the final cut of images that flashes through your eyes when you pass away.<p>

Defining moments.

The first time I remembered my father driving me to the airport at the end of summer so I can go back home to my mother, and thinking, 'My parents will never get back together'.

The time Renee and I had to put down the stray dog she 'adopted'. I learned more about death in those few minutes than any teacher, minister or doctor could ever teach me.

My first kiss. Andrew Carter, or was it Aaron... I can't recall his name but I do remember feeling a mixture of relief, that my dreaded first kiss was out of the way, and awkwardness, because it was my best friends brother. It didn't matter. We moved a week after.

Renee setting eyes on Phil. I knew just by the look in her eyes, this one was different.

Arriving in Forks that final time, knowing that I wouldn't be leaving after two months. Forks was home now.

Setting eyes on Jacob.

Setting eyes on Edward.

Defining moments that shake you or change you, make you a better person or a more selfish one. Moments that can break your spirit, your soul, your heart or ones that can help you rise from the ashes, sometimes whole again, sometimes battered and broken and you will always carry the scars but at least you're standing.

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><p>I woke up that morning feeling better than I had all week. My shift at Mike's parents shop and even his unwelcomed subtle flirting couldn't wipe the smile off my face.<p>

I was seeing my Jacob later in the day.

Just the thought of him had me smiling wider.

It'd been six years since Edward left me alone in the woods behind my house. I stood up a little taller at the cash register, proud that the name no longer causes me pain. It had no power over me.

After Edward left, I spiraled into a deep depression, I now know that I may have over-reacted a smidge… or a crapload. Charlie tried to get through to me. Renee, Angela, hell even Jessica tried but no one could get through the fog in my head. Until Jacob.

Jacob slowly got me to get out of my house. Then he got me to smile, then laugh, then he got me to look forward to being around him. Just when the hole in my heart started slowly but steadily stitching itself up – Jacob himself wielding the needle – it was ripped wide open again when he stopped hanging out with me. With no explanation and no warning.

After some pleading and stalker-like behavior on my part, and a hint from a somber Jacob, I figured out that my Sun had a secret. A huge one. A Cullen-size secret. My Jacob was a werewolf.

I'm a supernatural magnet.

The two months after I found out about Jacob, yielded me so much progress. I came to realize that Edward did love me, in a way, but if he had truly love me, the real me, he wouldn't have left me the way he did. He would have given me a choice in the matter, he would have respected that even though I was a 'fragile' human, I was an adult with my own values. Heck, he shouldn't have left me alone in the woods knowing I trip over air. That was pretty irresponsible of him.

I also came to the conclusion that I had feelings for Jacob that were more than friendly.

I looked out the window of the camping outfitters store and noticed it was almost dusk. I couldn't wait to get off so I could go home and get ready. The pack was having an end of summer bonfire. I just couldn't wait to see Jacob again even though he spent the night at my house the day before but because of early patrols that still occurred, I woke alone.

I remembered the day I kissed him for the first time. It was after we found out about the passing of Harry Clearwater. Jacob was so sad. I'd never seen him that way and all I wanted to do was make him feel better, so I kissed him. Just a simple pressing of my lips against his but it ignited something inside me. My brain was screaming at me to take notice that something big was happening here.

He sat next to me on the sofa shell shocked for a moment before smiling. He held my hand and rested his head on my shoulder where he fell asleep. I frowned, worried that he outgrew the crush he had on me. How funny would that be? He crushes on me his entire life and when I start to return the feelings, he moves on. It sounded like a bad country song.

But, I guess it was that he was exhausted because the next day he showed up at my house bright and early. As soon as I opened the door, he pulled me into his arms and kissed me. After a moment of 'Who the heck is kissing me?' I returned the kiss. Right there on my front porch, for all the world to see. I confessed that I was starting to have romantic feeling for him and he just gave me his adorable cocky smile and said "I knew if I gave you time you'd realize what I already knew."

I just rolled my eyes.

The next day the Cullens came back.

Victoria knew where I was and was coming for me. With an army of newly turned vampires called 'newborns'.

Like I said, supernatural magnet.

"Bella, it's been a slow hour. You can check out now if you want," Mike informed me. I had a half hour left to my shift but you didn't have to tell me twice. I still needed to shave my legs. I waved a good-bye to everyone as I picked up my bag and headed to my truck.

My older than dirt truck.

The exterior was banged up and rusted in spots, but I thought that gave the old girl character. Under the hood was a different story. Jacob helped a bit with that. I spent hours sitting on the workbench in his garage watching him work on a new engine for her. We talked about our past and our futures in that garage. She ran better than most cars on the road.

On the drive home, I remembered the frack-tastic week that occurred during the summer when I was eighteen.

Edward tried talking to me, Alice tried apologizing, and Emse and Carlisle seemed remorseful. Emmett was truly excited to see me, Rosalie ignored me and Jasper seemed tense, and kept giving me guilty glances.

I didn't care. I was pissed at them. Yes, all of them. They convinced me that I mattered. That I was part of their perfect family, that they loved me just as I was their own. But, they didn't. They left me without a goodbye. I loved them because they were my second mom and dad, the siblings I didn't have. I felt abandoned by them and I wanted them to hurt because of it.

It was petty but hey, I was still hurt so I lashed out. I like to think I've grown since then.

I didn't have a chance to speak with them, partly because I spent all my free time on the Rez – avoiding them – and partly because they were preparing for a battle.

Our side won the battle but Jacob got hurt. He waved it off, "just a few broken bones," he said. "Should be healed in a couple of days." It didn't stop me from worrying.

Edward did manage to get me alone to talk to him. He broke into my room that night while I slept. I had taken to sleeping with the window shut and curtain drawn, but apparently that didn't send the message that I did not want to be bother as effectively as I hoped.

He told me he was sorry. He told me he lied, that he stilled loved me, loved me with his entire being. I was his mate, he argued.

I told him it was too late, I was with Jacob now.

That did not please him. He became agitated. "Bella, must you be a danger magnet," he said. "He is a werewolf. He will hurt you."

"No one can hurt me as much as you hurt me," I threw back at him with venom. He winced and a small part of me enjoyed it, while another part kept repeating 'two wrongs do not make a right'.

"He is dangerous. Wolves are wild, unpredictable, filthy creatures. I forbid-"

"Hey. Enough. I'm with Jacob now. You have to get used to that or not, I really don't care. You had your chance. We could have been together right now but you left. You did. You lied and walked away from me, in the woods no less. I got lost and they couldn't find me for hours. I was freezing and damn near catatonic when Sam found me. Sam, a wolf, rescued me. I was catatonic for months. Months. Then Jacob came and pulled me out of the darkness and into the light. Jacob, another wolf, rescued me. So excuse me if I don't see eye to eye with you on this topic."

I remember literally gasping for breath after that speech. I was so angry with him.

"He will hurt you. Next time you see your precious wolf ask him about Imprinting." And with that he left, vanishing out of the window with a breeze.

The next day, before I even had my breakfast, I rushed to the Black house. Billy let me in and I ran right into Jacob's room. He was sleeping on his too small bed, his arm in a splint, and bandages around his middle. I hadn't slept all night. I kept wondering what imprinting was. I searched it on the internet but only came up with a million different websites giving me the same definition of the word: To leave a lasting impression on.

"Jacob," I tapped him on his good arm.

He woke slowly. "Hey Honey."

"What's imprinting?" I blurted out. There, right to the point.

His face fell and he sighed. This would not be good. He explained that it was a wolf thing. It's what they called it when a wolf found its soul mate. It was a crazy strong unbreakable bond. Sam found his with Emily while he was dating Leah (That sucks, but also explains a lot) and Kim was Jared's imprint. It was love at first sight… on steroids.

And even worse… I wasn't Jacob's. He would have felt something the first time he looked at me after becoming a wolf.

It broke my heart. I wasn't Jacob's soul mate. There was someone better for him out there in the universe. I started crying, ran from the house into my truck, and drove home. As soon as I passed the treaty line, Edward was there waiting for me.

I slowed to a stop and got out.

"What are you doing here? Come to gloat that you broke my heart again?"

The first time I saw Edward, of course I thought he was gorgeous. No, more than that, he was ethereal. No man I had ever seen looked that beautiful, and I lived in Los Angeles for two months when Renee got it in her head she could be a commercial actress.

I wanted to look at him all day long. Now, I never wanted to look at him again.

"What do you mean?"

"If it wasn't for you I would have been blissfully ignorant. I never would have known about imprinting."

"Is that what you really wanted? To be ignorant?"

"Yes," I yelled, but then I whispered, "No." I started crying again. I was confused. What did it all mean? Did Jacob and I break up now? Did we somehow already break up when I ran out on him?

"It's ok. It's ok," Edward shushed as he put his cold arms around me and comforted me. Then he leaned down and kissed me. "Everything will be as it was. We will start Dartmouth in the fall. I've missed you so much."

Did he think we were back together?

Why couldn't my life be simple?

I was starting to miss simple.

Just then, Jacob drove up in his Rabbit, arm still in a splint, bandages around his chest. He wore no shirt and no shoes, just the sweatpants he slept in.

"Bells, Honey, can we talk about this?"

Edward pulled me behind him and answered for me. "No. She will have nothing to do with you, Mutt."

"Edward," I said trying to push his hands off of me, "I can answer for myself." I turned toward Jacob. He was standing there hoping with everything he had that I would speak to him. "Ok, Jacob. I'll talk to you. Edward, I'll talk to you later. Goodbye."

He was shocked and refused to leave. I crossed my arms over my chest and refused to speak or move until he left. After a few minutes, he understood that I was serious and he left.

Jacob and I sat on the hood of his car and talked. He swore to me that the imprinting wouldn't happen to him because he loved me so much. I brought up Emily and Sam, and Leah's pain. He swore that Sam didn't love Leah as much as he did me. He kissed my cheek and begged me to believe him. He begged me to trust him. "I love you. I need you more than I need to breathe. I'll never hurt you Bella, please believe me."

So I did.

To hell with imprinting. What Jacob and I had was real.

I spoke to the Cullen's after that. Said my goodbyes to a family that was once upon a time mine. Jasper apologized, citing everything to be his fault. I just hugged him, gave him a kiss on the cheek and told him none of it was his fault. The rest of the family tried to apologize for leaving, Alice the most persistent, but I told them I wasn't ready to forgive them. They had broken my heart just as thoroughly as Edward had.

I said my final goodbye to Edward. He refused to look at me, but I spoke to him nonetheless. A small speech about mourning our relationship and burying it away, that I was passed it and hoped he could do the same, escaped my lips.

"I'll always watch over you Bella Swan," Alice said.

I know she meant it to sound sweet and loving but I shuddered. I made her promise that she wouldn't and told them that it may be best if they left Forks… for good.

Then I walked away. I didn't look back.

And just like that, vampires were out of my life.

After leaving work, I made it to my house quickly and parked near the cruiser. Inside, Charlie was watching a game – baseball, basketball, football, I couldn't tell. I said a quick hello and raced upstairs. I laid out my clothes and ran into the shower. I shaved my legs and did a little landscaping around my you-know-what, especially now that Jacob saw it regularly.

Jacob was my first and I was his. It was painful and awkward and we were cramped on his bed and it was over much too quickly but it was perfect. It was perfect because it was with Jacob. He took his time with me, he was gentle with me. It was amazing. We've gotten better since then, growing more brazen with each time.

The woods outside my house, my truck, my truck bed, his rabbit (10 out of 10 for difficulty, let me tell you), First Beach, his house, my house, the very shower I was bathing in, were all places we were intimate. We got very adventurous the longer we were together. Sometimes my friends thought I was crazy because I would walk pass a perfectly innocent looking place and I would blush fire engine red like the time I accidently walked in on Quil pleasuring himself in the garage again (yes, that really happened). They never knew it was because I was remembering spending quality time with Jacob at that very spot.

The cold water brought me out of my dirty musing. I quickly got dressed, said goodbye to Charlie and headed to First Beach.

The headlight from an oncoming car reflected off the ring on my left hand. My engagement ring. He had purposed three months before. We were on his porch and he just dropped to one knee and asked. I said yes immediately. Then he produced his mother's engagement ring and placed in on my finger. Just like that, I was now the Soon-to-Be Mrs. Black. I wanted it so badly.

I wanted his name, I wanted to share an address with him, I wanted kids with his silky hair, and I wanted grandkids. I wanted it all. I wanted it all with him.

Arriving at First Beach I parked in the empty parking lot. Not many people drove up here at this time. Usually it was just Rez kids and they just walked. I jumped out of my truck and looked down at the beach trying to spot my Jacob from the few dozen of people gathered a few hundred feet below.

After a few seconds, I spotted him and instantly smiled wide. Until I noticed, something wasn't right. Jacob looked dazed, almost drugged. Sam and Paul, flanking him, looked distressed, sad even. Emily brought a hand to her mouth and turned away crying. What was going on? I didn't understand. At least I didn't until I followed Jacob's gaze. He was staring at a beautiful Native American girl, long black hair in a side braid.

I turned away and promptly threw up my lunch, then I fell on my ass.

He's imprinted.

My Jacob has found his soul mate.

And it wasn't me.

His soul mate wasn't me.

All of a sudden, I couldn't breathe. I felt like I was hyperventilating.

"Feels like someone ripped out your lungs, along with your heart, shoved it in a blender, hit chop, then tossed it on the floor and spit on it?" It was Leah and even though she was trying to smile, her words were so sad. I started to cry. Leah walked closer to me and offered me her hand. She helped me stand up.

"Is there any chance Leah? Truthfully, any chance at all that Jacob and I can be together after this?" She looked down and shook her head.

"There is no fighting with Imprinting. Believe me Bella, I know." I moved away from her, having to throw up again. I completely emptied my stomach onto the ground.

"It hurts so much," I managed to croak out as I wiped the back of my hand across my mouth.

"It does," she stated simply nodding her head. The tears rushed forward and I wiped them away. Leah stepped forward and squeezed my shoulder. I didn't know why she was being so nice to me, after all the years of her hating me, but I was thankful for it, thankful I was not alone in that moment.

"Why are you being nice to me?" I had to ask. I needed to make sure she wasn't being cruel or… I don't know, but I just needed to know. "You've never been nice to me before." It was true. Leah was the queen of rolled eyes and snarky comments and she knew how to make people uncomfortable with few painfully truthful words.

"Think about. I wasn't just mean to you. I was mean to everybody. Nobody knew what I went through; still go through, not until…"

"Not until now. Not until me."

"Exactly." We were silent for a moment, when I doubled over with pain. It's amazing how emotional pain affects you so physically.

"How do I make it better?"

"I don't know. I'm still hurting," she whispered as she turned away. I whimpered at that piece of information. "But then again I've had to see him every day, see his thoughts, see how he pictures being with my own cousin. I've had to see them get married and see them have babies."

This entire supernatural wolf thing is sick. It messes with people's minds and their hearts… and their souls.

He promised. He promised me he would love me forever, that our love was stronger than the stupid imprinting.

I should have known that he was trying to promise something he had no control over.

Could I stay in Forks and see Jacob fall in love with another woman? I loved him. I loved him. I love him still. I couldn't watch, I couldn't even stand to hear him tell me he had to break his promises. I know he loved me, having to tell me he broke his promises would hurt him just as much as it would me, and even after all that, I didn't want him to hurt.

Didn't mean I wanted to watch them either.

"I'm leaving," I whispered.

"What do you mean? You're not going down there and giving him a piece of your mind. Scream at him for breaking promises and shattering your heart?" She was angry.

"You don't get it. I've had enough pain, in my life. I can't stand there while Jacob tells me he doesn't love me the same way as he did yesterday, as he did last night. I thought I loved Edward but it was infatuation, a crush on steroids. I love Jacob. So much-" I choked on a sob. "I'm leaving Forks. Tonight."

She was quiet. She just stared at me for the longest moment.

"I'm coming with you," she said with finality.

"What?"

"I'm done with this stuff. I've been done with it forever. Did you know that I'm the reason my father died? The first time I phased I gave him a heart attack. Being a wolf has brought me nothing but heartache. I'm done with it all. I'm coming."

"But, we aren't even friends. You hate me."

"Hate is such a strong word. That's just the way I am with everybody. Besides we have something in common that no one else does."

"What's that?"

"Imprinting fucked us over." I started to think about it. "I'm an excellent driver, I'm a good listener, I give no bullshit advice, I know when to keep my mouth shut, I can keep you safe and I can be packed in ten minutes."

Well, with an argument that well…

"Ok, let's go."

I took a moment to look back down toward the ocean, finding Jacob talking to his Imprint. He smiled, the carefree lopsided one that was always directed at me, but it wasn't. Not that time. I tucked the image of Jacob's smiling face away before turning away from everything that was to be my future.

We got into my truck and I drove her to her house. I waited while she ran inside and packed. True to her word, nine minutes later, she emerged with a backpack, and five huge trash bags filled to the top. After dumping them in the back, she jumped into the cab.

"I just have to make a quick stop before I drive to my house."

I pulled up to Jacob and Billy's house. It was quiet and the lights were off. They were both at the bonfire. I let myself in using the key they gave me months ago. I wrote a brief note and placed it on Jacob's bed. I pulled his key off my keychain and placed it on top of the note. Next, I took a moment to enjoy seeing his ring on my finger one last time before taking it off. It belonged to his mother, it wouldn't be right if I kept it. My hand felt empty without it, felt like it might float away without the symbol of his love anchoring it. I kissed the ring and set it next to the key.

As I left, I did something very unstable, borderline psycho stalker. I took one of his shirts from the hamper and left with it. Leah just smiled sadly at me when she saw it.

"I took a pair of Sam's boxer when we broke up. Don't worry. They were clean." I barely registered her voice. My mind was still on the note.

_My Jacob, my sun,_

_She is beautiful, but I cannot stay and watch you love her and have her love you back. For how could she not._

_I've left and will never come back. I will do everything in my power to disappear completely._

_You will not find me and I will not show up on your doorstep one day looking for closure._

_Tell the pack and the girls that I will truly miss them._

_Be happy with her. Live your life and try to remember me fondly._

_I will love you until my dying breath._

_Bella_

As I sat n the driver's seat my hands shook as I took the wheel.

Leah sighed. "Move over. Let me drive."

I thanked her and slide to the passenger seat while she moved over me to the driver seat. She drove me to my house and parked.

"I'll be out in a few minutes. I have to say goodbye to my dad."

"If you don't want to do this, we don't have to. I know it was a spontaneous decision."

"No. I need to do this. I want to."

"Ok. I'll be here waiting. Take your time but don't take too long. The more distance we put between us and La Push, the better I'll feel."

I slowly exited my truck and walked into my house.

"Hey Bells. I thought you were going to be at Jacob's all night."

"Yeah, but um, I don't feel too good." I stopped in the kitchen and grabbed a few garbage bags from under the sink. "I'll be in my room." Then I ran up the stairs.

I knew I didn't have much time, so I pulled out my two suitcases from the bottom of my closet. I opened them and set them on my bed. I filled one whole suitcase with photo albums, picture frames, books and important papers. I needed memories of this unexpectedly beautiful place, time. I couldn't leave them behind. In the other, I threw in everything in my closet and drawers, which wasn't much. I filled the bags with my shoes, jackets, and everything else I needed.

I opened my bedroom window and called over Leah. "I'm going to toss these bags to you." She nodded and I carefully threw them to her.

When I turned back to look at my now empty room it took my breath away. I had planned to move out soon anyway but it was supposed to be to Jacob's house instead of… my truck. I didn't even know where we were headed. Just as long as it's not Washington.

I threw on a sweater, filled my pockets with the money I was saving to get my own place – I remembered sadly that it was supposed to be 'our' place – and my wallet and grabbed the luggage. As I descended the stairs, I broke out into a sweat. Charlie wouldn't understand why I was leaving so suddenly. He didn't know that his best friend's son is a werewolf.

"Is everything ok Bells?" He turned to look at me and froze. "Bells? What's all this? What's going on?"

"I'm leaving. I have to go." He jumped up and rushed to me. "I have to leave." I started to cry. I didn't want to hurt him. I didn't want to leave him. He's a good dad and I really do love him.

"What do you mean leave? Where are you going?"

"I don't know where I'm going. I'll stay in touch. I'll try to call you every chance I get but I have to go."

He was still confused by my sudden need to run. "Where's Jacob?" He saw that I cringed. "Is this because of Jacob? What did he do?"

"He's found someone else," I choked out.

"What? I'll kill him." He turned to the hall closet. The closet he kept his gun locked up in. "How dare he? He proposed to you. He made promises." This wasn't helping my already shattered heart.

"Please, stop. Stop. Daddy, please." I rarely called him dad, and I haven't called him daddy since I was nine. It caught his attention. He stopped in his track and noticed I was two seconds away from passing out with grief.

"Oh Bells." He threw his arms around me and held me to him. As I cried on his shoulder, he patted me lovingly but awkwardly.

After I got myself under control, I looked up at Charlie. "He doesn't know I know but he's in love with someone else. I have to leave. If I'm going to survive this, I need to leave. It'll be worse than last time. I really, I really love Jacob. Please understand that I can't stay here and watch the man I love love someone else. Please."

Charlie shook his head, turned away from me and paced. After running his hand through his hair about a dozen times he turned back to me. "Ok Bella. You're a grown woman and I can't stop you from leaving. I just don't feel comfortable letting you drive to god knows where by yourself."

"I'm not. I have someone coming with me. They're waiting in the truck."

"Who?"

"Leah."

"What?" He left the house and headed straight for Leah. After talking to her for a few short minutes, he came back and sighed. "Does Jacob even know you're leaving?"

"I left him a letter. I told him I'm leaving but not where I'm going. I told him I wouldn't bother him and his life."

"Fine. Will you tell me when you finally find a place to settle down?"

"Yes."

"Ok, promise me you will drive the speed limit and always wear your seatbelt. Stay on well-lit roads and try not to drive at night too much. Whenever you feel the slightest bit tired you pull over or let Leah drive."

"I promise. You promise me you'll eat healthy at least once a week and fried fish is not healthy."

"I promise." He reached into his wallet and pulled out all of the bills. "Here, take this."

"I can't. I have money of my own."

"Please. Take it. I don't want you girls staying at cheap motels. You'll stay at reputable family hotels. You understand?"

"We will." I took the money and added it to my own. "Thanks. I love you daddy. I love you so much. I'll call you tomorrow." Then I grabbed my bags and walked away from it all. I threw the suitcases onto the truck bed and sat in the passenger seat.

"You ready?" Leah asked.

"Yeah. Let's get out of here."

She drove us to the 101 in silence. I had too much on my mind to talk. As we drove past Port Angeles, I was assaulted with memories of Jacob. Our first kiss, our first time, first time we said I love you. I remembered how he loved my cooking and I hoped this new girl knew how to cook because my Jacob loved to eat. I knew he didn't belong to me anymore but I'd always consider him my Jacob.

When I started crying, rather noisily, Leah didn't say a word and didn't bring any attention to it except to quickly squeeze my knee in support before going back to the wheel.

I thought about how he would whisper little thing in my ear that would drive me crazy with lust. How we would stay in bed all day on Thursdays, the only day we both had off from work. How I just knew any time he would look at me from across the room and I would suddenly turn my head to lock eyes with him.

We never had a chance. The choice was taken out of our hands.

We were so in love. This wasn't fair. We were going to have it all. The love, the marriage, the- "Pull over. Now!" I screamed as I brought a hand to my mouth. As soon as she did, I threw open the door and vomited, again. In a surprising move on Leah's part, she slid closer to me and held my hair back with one hand, rubbing my back with the other.

"Let it out. Let it all out."

Feeling lonely and broken-hearted and crushed, and now comforted by the wrong person, I took her advice and let it all out. I screamed and cried and cursed everyone I ever knew. I sounded like wounded animal. I punched the side of my truck and cut my hand. This was different from my last heartbreak. With Edward it was infatuation and went he left me, I went numb. Shut down. But, with Jacob, we had love, true love, and now that it's gone I feel raw. Everything feels intensified. Everything built up inside of me and exploded out of me violently. And once I was done, I vomited one more time.

"Bella, we should stop and get some food into you. You threw up too much today."

"Not entirely my fault."

"No. Of course not. When Sam imprinted on Emily I lost almost ten pounds. If it wasn't for the wolf, I'd still be skinny."

"That's not exactly what I meant." I looked away, still half out of the truck cab and dry heaved. "Check the glove compartment."

"Huh?" I felt the hand rubbing my back, stop and I heard the click of the glove compartment as I spit the taste out of my mouth. Then I felt my hair fall back into my face and heard Leah whisper "Oh shit."

"Yeah," I said as I sat upright again.

"You're pregnant."

"I was going to tell him today. After the bonfire. But then everything went to hell. And all my dreams went down the drain." I started crying again and she held me to her. "What happens to me, to us? I don't even know where we're headed? What do I do now?"

"Right now, we drive. Then we stop to get this little wolf some food." She placed her hand on my stomach. She was taking this better than I could ever imagine. "Then you get some sleep while I drive us as far away from here as possible. I'll find us a hotel and after we get a few hours of good sleep, we'll figure out some new dreams for us. I never got over Sam and I think now is a good time to start."

True to her word, that was exactly what we did. Our cell phones rang around the time we finished eating. Jacob, Sam, Emily, Billy, Embry and Seth called enough times to fill up our voicemail, and then they began to text us. We ignored them all. When we got back to the truck, she took both of our phones, put them on silent and shoved them into the glove compartment.

Somehow, I managed to sleep and when I woke up, we were in a well-lit parking lot in front of a Holiday Inn.

"Where are we?" I slurred, still feeling tired.

"Yakama. I couldn't drive anymore. I'm exhausted." She helped me out of the truck and led me not to the main office but towards the left of it. "I already got us a room."

The room was clean and bright, too bright for my tired eyes.

"I got the bed by the door," Leah mumbled as she toed off her shoes and pulled her jeans off with half-closed eyes. I looked away to give her her privacy and noticed our bags in a pile under the window. I undressed like Leah and by the time I was under the covers in my own hotel bed, Leah was snoring lightly.

**Months Later**

We were in Milwaukee and we were waiting at a red light. My swollen stomach barely let me fit behind the wheel, but I enjoyed driving, I didn't want to give it up.

"Leah, get your butt back into the car," I laughed. She was half out the window, whistling at a group of guys outside of a Miller Park.

"Oh come on," she whined playfully, as she sat down properly on the seat. "They were cute and just drunk enough to take out a wolf and pregnant chick." She wagged her eyebrows up and down.

I threw my head back and laughed hard. She had a sick and sometime dark sense of humor but she made me laugh and smile. I still couldn't believe that Leah Clearwater, the once bitchy, bitter and sometimes mean Leah Clearwater, was my best friend. The best friend I ever had. The sister I never had.

She took care of me in the beginning. Making sure I ate, setting up doctor appointments in whatever town we found ourselves in, getting me to take my prenatal vitamins. She was the one who got us documents under false names; credit cards, driver's license, social security numbers and even birth certificates. I never asked how she got them. I really didn't want to know.

Every time she did something nice for me, it surprised me. I was used to her acting a certain way and in a night she did a one-eighty on me. After some time, I loved her for it. I became a confidante to her. She told me all about how happy she was with Sam. How she thought they were going to get married, have a bunch of babies and grow old together. She showed me her pain. The pain of not only losing the love of her life, but her cousin as well. The pain of seeing them so in love right in front of her face.

She told me about the guilt. She felt responsible for her father's death. She told me about the time she was phased and she briefly saw into Sam's mind. He was thinking about the previous night's activities in the bedroom with Emily. They were actively trying for a baby.

"Do you know how bad that killed me? Seeing them, my Sam and my cousin, writhing on the bed, trying to make a baby, something I will never have." She must have seen the confusion on my face. "Apparently female wolves are barren."

It was then that I made a vow that she would be in my child's life. Every milestone, every first day of school, every graduation, she would be there.

"What time is Grandpa Charlie's plane coming in?" she asked as she changed the radio station. I huffed out a small giggle. She started calling him that ever since we told him I was pregnant.

"He should be landing now," I said as I made a right turn.

Oh, poor Charlie. He flew out to Baton Rouge, where we were staying months ago, we got him a little drunk and when we told him, he wanted me to tell Jacob. Told me a father has a right to know. He begged me. I tried telling him that there were thing he didn't know, didn't understand. He told me he didn't see how anything could convince him to keep quiet about something this huge.

At that point, Leah had enough. She told him to please don't freak out and a second later she phased. I groaned and slapped my hands to my face, shaking my head. Charlie looked like a fish out of water, eyes wide, mouth opening and closing. She phased back a minute or two later and I rushed to her with one of the blankets from the bed to cover her naked form.

When Charlie came out of his stupor, it took us almost all night to explain everything to him. I told him that despite the fact that she was a wolf, Leah was a good, safe person to be traveling with. Once I told him no one could protect me better than her, he calmed. We told him about the Cullens, and he was disappointed that I thought a vampire made a suitable boyfriend. I promised him that I was younger and stupid and completely over it.

Leah told him about Sam and the workings of the pack. She said that what Sam said goes. She told him about imprinting and my dad actually teared up at our losses. She told him she thought it was in everyone's best interest that Jacob didn't know about the baby.

"It will hurt Bella to see the man she loves with the woman he imprinted, play family with her child. It will hurt Jacob to see the woman he once loved, made promises with, in pain. Plus, the baby is Quileute, and will most likely have the wolf gene. Do you honestly think the tribal members will give up that baby without a fight?"

"Do you really think Jacob would do that?"

"Maybe. Maybe not. But Jacob gave up his right to Alpha. Sam is. And Sam is all about the pack. All about doing what the tribal council believes is best for the pack. If Sam tells Jake to jump. Jake will jump."

And just like that, in some hotel in Louisiana, my dad swore that he would keep my child a secret and take it to his grave.

I pulled up to the pick up queue at the airport. My dad was waiting patiently with two big pieces of luggage at his feet. I smiled when I saw him and even though I wanted to jump out of the truck and greet him, my stomach slowed me down some.

"Dad," I cried out as I hugged him. "I can't believe you're finally here. I've missed you." Ever since I got pregnant and Charlie stood by me, I had the need to call him dad.

"Look at you," he held me at arm's length. "You got so big. The last time I saw you, you just gotten a little bump." He put his hand to my belly and smiled in wonder.

Leah was busy throwing his luggage into the truck bed but when she was done, she greeted Charlie with a hug and smile. "Come on guys. We're cutting it kind of close. You have an hour before we have to be at the hospital to be induced." She walked away to get behind the driver's seat, giving me time to catch up with my dad. The little wolf in me was very comfortable it seemed. He was three days past due and he was huge. My doctor told me I could deliver naturally but there was a chance of a c-section.

"You have everything you need Grandpa Charlie?" Leah asked, her eyes on the road.

"Yup. Got it all."

"What about the house?" I asked.

"Sold. Actually that girl you knew from school bought it. Angela Webber. Her and her fiancé Ben bought it. I gave them a good deal because I know how hard it is in the beginning, trying to start a life."

"That was sweet of you, dad."

I couldn't believe it when my dad offered to move away from Forks and move in with me. Not that I had an actual place or anything. Leah and I rented places by the week or month, before moving on. At first, I objected to his offer. My dad loved Forks. He loved his job. Then he told me it was time he retired and took it easy. He told me he wanted to be there for his grandchild, because he wasn't able to be there for me.

After that, I agreed. I was thrilled. I would have my dad and my best friend helping me. After talking about it with Leah, we decided to live in Minnesota. We found a nice sized cabin in the middle of nowhere, with a huge amount of land, near the Canadian border. It was perfect. Between the money we saved up and the money my dad had, we bought it.

At the hospital, we arrived at the maternity ward and I was given a room and a robe to change into. They hooked me up to the medicine to induce me and then we waited until it did it's thing. Charlie left to get something to eat and Leah sat next to me as we discussed baby names. We agree to not use any of the Cullen's names or Jacob.

Wisconsin was our last stop on our cross-country getaway. We'd have the baby here, then disappear to Minnesota. We'd get jobs and Charlie would babysit while we were at work and fish on the weekends. He said he couldn't wait.

It was a good while later with my father by my head and Leah holding one of my legs out of the way, that the doctor told me to start pushing. I always assumed that once I got to this stage it would take three or four pushes and the baby would slide out. Not the case. The doctor said it does happen but not very often. A good half an hour later, I pushed my baby into the world.

"It's a boy. Congratulations."

I started to cry. I was so thrilled and felt on top of the world. I heard my dad sniff and I smiled at him. When I made eye contact with Leah, I saw she was a blubbering mess.

"Leah?" I half laughed, half cried.

"Oh shut up. I'm just happy that wasn't me. That looked really painful." Actually, it was excruciating, but it was worth it. She smiled at me softly and I knew that wasn't really the reason. She was happy. Leah Clearwater was crying tears of joy. We've come a long way.

The doctor cut the cord and placed my little man on my stomach. He was perfect. A little darker than me in complexion, with grey eyes that eventually turned brown, and black hair. Surprisingly he looked nothing like Jacob, as I always assumed my child would. He looked like me, and a little like the picture I've seen of my dad when he was younger. He was a Swan.

Even though I felt guilty about it, I cried out with relief. I wouldn't have to look at a face that constantly reminded me of the onetime love of my life. The wound was still there but it was healing. I would be left with a scar but over time it would fade and I would forget all about it.

"So, what's this little guy's name?" A sweet grandmotherly nurse asked.

"Seth. Seth Charles Swan." I looked to Leah. "Is that ok?"

Seth was always so kind and sweet to everyone, and I knew she missed her brother. In the beginning, I told her to leave me, find a town and live there so he brother could at least visit her and she could visit him. She refused.

"My brother found his place in the pack. He loved it from day one. I never did. He's happy there. I'm happy here and I haven't been happy in a really long time." She told me. I told her, if she ever changed her mind, I would support her. She swore she never would.

"That's a great name," she said softly.

Three days after Seth was born, we were walking into our cabin. There were four small but comfortable bedrooms. It came furnished, the only thing we needed to get were nursery things. On the ride up, we had stopped at a baby store and bought a bassinet. That would do until we had the furniture delivered.

The time passed by quickly. I got a job at a bookstore and Leah got one as a server at a restaurant. Dad stood home with Seth who was getting bigger by the second it seemed.

We had first steps, and first words for Seth; first date since Jacob for me; first time to fall in love since Sam for Leah; and a lady friend for Charlie.

Leah found a man who loved her. She found a man she could trust enough to tell all her secrets to - even the huge ones. She found a man who loved her enough to overlook the fact that she was a woman who could transform into a wolf and who couldn't have children. Leah and John got married, I was maid of honor, and they lived in a house they built on out property. Then they adopted all the babies Leah could handle.

I never found another love. But it was ok. I had Seth and I had Charlie. Until he passed. Seth was fifteen when it happened. We were by the lake. It was a beautiful day, and Seth, Charlie and John were sitting on our pier, fishing. Dad leaned against the railing and fell asleep. He never woke up.

Of course I was sad, and I would miss him forever – he was the best dad a girl could hope for and the best grandpa an boy could have – but I can't help thinking at least he died happy. Fishing off of his own pier, his family around him and not a could in the sky.

When Seth was almost seventeen years old, Leah and I had the talk with him. Not the birds and the bees talk, the wolves and the vampire talk.

My sweet and caring boy, listened, cried, and asked me questions. Leah phased for him. Her last time, unless Seth decided to become a wolf. Then she would phase to show him the ropes. She showed him what he could become if vampires moved into the neighborhood. He was shocked.

He asked about his father and I told him the truth.

"His name is Jacob Black. I believe he still lives in La Push, Washington."

"What happened? Why isn't he in my life?"

I took a deep breath and let it out slow. "He doesn't know about you."

"What? What do- how could you not tell him? How could you do that?" He stormed off after that and locked himself into his room for a few hours.

When he did come out it was very late, but Leah was still there with me, waiting for him.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you, mom. I'm sorry aunt Leah. You had to have a good reason to do something like this." We nodded silently, surprised at how calm he was. But, he was always so calm, so sweet, so caring. "Ok, tell me everything."

And we did.

From my time with Edward all the way to the day he was born. He found out about who he was named after. He found out about my first boyfriend the vampire. How I almost gave up everything to become one. I told him the promises his father made and how he couldn't help but break them. We told him all about how imprinting hurt us. I told him, that Charlie found out Jacob got married and had kids.

"Do you want to know your father? We can help you find him and your half-siblings. Drive you to them." I told him sincerely.

"I don't know. I've gone seventeen years without him. I don't really feel like I missed out on anything. I had Grandpa Charlie and Uncle John. I have my cousins, that are like my little siblings. I had a really great life so far mom. I don't want you to feel guilty or bad or something about the choice you made."

My beautiful boy. So understanding. So loving.

"Seth. Nobody ever gave me the choice we're about to give you. Do you want to become a wolf?"

"Won't I become one either way?"

"Not necessarily," she answered. "We haven't had a vampire come anyway near this place ever. Even when we first came here, I couldn't smell a vamp. And even if one shows up, I'll take care of quickly. He won't be around long so he won't be such a threat. If you don't feel threatened, your body won't feel the need to transform. Plus, the only reason we phased was because a family of seven vamps were in the area. And even after that it took us a while. The chances are good that you won't ever phase."

"But," I added, "If you did want to phase, I'd call in a favor. I'll have a family of vampires move in until your body changes." I meant it. I'd get in touch with the Cullens somehow, someway. I'd do anything for my son.

"So if I choose not to become a wolf, I stay the way I am. If I do decide to become a wolf, I'll probably grow eight inches, gain a ton of muscles, be able to turn into a freaking wolf and maybe one day hurt the girl I love by imprinting on some chick I've never met?" He shook his head. "I choose to be me. How I am now. I choose normal."

I was shocked, I could have sworn he would have picked the supernatural, just as I always wanted when I was with Edward, but it seems he has some of his father in him after all. Jacob always wanted to be normal. He never liked the whole wolf thing. He wished he could give it up. I wished he could have given it up too.

I turned to Leah who was smiling brightly. "Way to go kid. I'm proud of you. You sure this has nothing to do with Cindy?" she smirked.

Cindy was a girl he dated once when he was much younger, when he was thirteen, the same year my gray hair showed up. But now that they were both older they seemed to show an interest in each other again. Dancing around each other, flirting subtly.

"Yeah. I mean. I don't know if we'd ever get back together or get married or anything like that but, I still want, uh, need the choice to be mine. I don't want to be forced to like someone."

"I love you, so much Seth." I was crying when I hugged him. And he squeezed me right back.

"I love you too mom."

Years later, Leah stood beside me, both of us with tears in our eyes, as we watched Seth dance his first dance with his new bride.

Cindy and Seth did start dating again but they broke up when they went to different colleges. Seth only applied to colleges on the east coast because he didn't want to accidently bump into his father or half-sibling in college. He picked Florida. A state with a good amount of sun, to keep away the vampires, he said with a laugh.

When he came home for thanksgiving, he told me he was dating someone. When he came down for Christmas, he brought her with him. She was beautiful. Long blonde hair, kind blue eyes. Skin as pale as mine used to be. She was a little eccentric and sometimes a little weird, if I was honest, staring off into space with a soft smile at times. She wore the weirdest clothes; mix-matching patterns and fabrics, laying lots of items. But, Luana was kind, sweet and patient, and seemed to adore my son.

She wanted to be a kindergarten teacher for special needs children. I thought the job suited her perfectly.

She was extremely awkward and under-socialized when she went to college. Somehow, Seth helped her when she was moving into her dorm when she ripped her shirt when it got caught on something. She was embarrassed but Seth quickly stepped in and handed her a spare shirt of his. They became friendly, then friends. He introduced her to others and she was happier. Then he fell in love with her, and she fell in love with him.

He proposed and she said yes.

They were married on a beautiful Saturday morning, and partied well into the night. Leah and I said goodbye to them as they left for their honeymoon. That night, we were in my living room, in my now very empty house, drinking too much as we reminisced.

She confided in me that she loved her family but a part of her still loved Sam.

I confessed that I still thought of my Jacob almost daily, I loved him so much still that my chest ached.

We drank and cried and when she left to walk to her house just a few yards away, I was left alone.

For a small moment in time, I had it all. I had the love of a great man. I had Jacob. And I'll never have him again.

But Seth and Luana had each other and I found some happiness in that. They'll go on, and get careers, have babies, grow old together and have grandbabies. And they'll even have a great grandchild. They'll live and be happy, like I once was, because he chose to not be a part of the supernatural world. He chose to have a choice. He'll have a full, happy life all because he had a choice in his own life.

And my heart withered and was wasted because I didn't.

* * *

><p><strong>AN**: This started off as a tiny oneshot. I started it because I was having writer's block on a story and wanted to write this for fun. I always wondered, what if Bella got over Edward because she realized she love Jacob. She chooses him and he loves her, only for him to imprint on someone else. Wouldn't that just kill Bella? It really was supposed to be around 2-3 thousand words… I don't know what happened, lol. This was unbeta'd. All mistakes are mine. This was my first time writing a story without a happy ending for the main character, hope I did ok ::hides behind laptop::


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